five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

today's my first diaversary.
threehundredsixtyfive days with diabetes.

i remember not wanting to go to the ER. i remember having my finger pricked for the first time, and the nurse saying that my blood sugar was really high. i remember having to pee into a little cup and the nurse saying there were ketones in my urine. i remember the ER doctor telling me i had diabetes, that i needed to go for an operation to take away infection on my abdomen. i remember lying there, semi-conscious after the op, telling the doctor over and over again that i wanted to go home. and the nice, patient doctor telling me that i would have to stay in the hospital for a while, i was really sick.

i remember waking up in the ICU. seeing all the tiny scab marks on my fingers from where the nurses had tested my blood sugar. seeing tons of IV sites on my arm, my neck. waking up to see my mom's face. having her feed me chicken broth and minced french beans for dinner. having my friend's sunflowers banned from appearing in the ICU.

i remember being moved to the general ward. meeting my endo and diabetes nurse. having them tell me not to cry, that life goes on anyway. that they have patients diagnosed with diabetes (though i don't know what type) at the same age as me. i remember giving myself the first insulin shot, and having the ward nurse have to press my hand down so that the needle would go into my abdomen. i remember seeing a dietitian for the first time, flooding her with so many questions she could barely keep up with me.

i remember too, the love and care shown to me. by my parents who visited me everyday. but my friend P, who was interning near the hospital i was warded at, and who came by every lunch hour to sit with me. by the people i knew who sent flowers, cards, and came to make me smile and cheer me up. by my friends who were patient with me each time i had to count carbs or take a shot before eating. by online friends i met, who understood and still understand it all.

i remember going home, learning how to count carbs and remembering to shoot up before meals. i remember the blood tests, the A1c's, the c-peptide and antibody tests. i remember the endo telling me that i have Type 2 diabetes, not Type 1 diabetes. i remember going to the pharmacy and bringing home my first packet of metformin pills.

i remember the fear. the anguish. the pain. the hot tears i cried when i felt abnormal, when i felt as though the world had crashed and i was the only one left. the times when i said i hated diabetes and i wanted to be normal again. and i remember the joy of finding the diabetes oc, realizing that there are people out there who live the way i now have to live. you might be miles away, but i feel far less alone, i know i'm normal, we are all healthy and normal people.

i remember now that life is more than the fingersticks, the shots, the pills, the hospital appointments, the logging, the working out and the carb counting. i remember now that life is worth celebrating, each day. because who knows, on 29th April 2007, my obituary could've appeared in the newspaper. because i would've slipped into a coma had my parents waited a few more hours to get me into the hospital.

because in short, this is literally my second shot at life. one year down, many more to come.

and in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year?