love me. love my diabetes.

dinner at a friend's house.
yummy chicken, beef and prawns cooked on the hotplate.
delicious chicken soup with wontons, veggies, more prawns, and other things.
carb splurge spent on a bite of mango pudding, a bite of chocolate cake and half a durian puff.

then the chilled bottle of red wine appeared on the table; how could i refuse a couple sips of the dark red cabernet merlot? i do enjoy a glass of wine from time to time, even though my metformin medication supposedly forbids it.

my friend pours me a little bit of wine into a a plastic cup. it's less than a quarter of the cup. and i sip it slowly, enjoying the fruity, mellow flavour of the wine. it's not too dry or bitter, and rather light, and i quite like it.

over drinks we begin talking about what a bunch of twenty-somethings inevitably talk about - relationships and the problems which come along with it.

right now i'm proud to declare here on the blogosphere that at the ripe of age of nearly twenty-one, i've never dated and that it doesn't bother me much most of the time. so as we chat, we dish out advice to each other. and we just...chat. just as friends do.

but that was then, and as i sit here now, i realize how diabetes changes my concept of dating. i don't mean that i don't want to meet a nice guy some day. because sometimes i do. as much as i would like to think that i am miss independent superwoman, i am not. and nature demands that i sometimes think about how nice it might be to meet mr. right someday.

but diabetes forces me to change my idea of who's the right guy for me.

you see, it's as simple as me not wanting to be a burden to him. because many times i fear that i'll fall critically ill and i will be a financial and emotional burden to the ones i love, future boyfriend/fiance/husband included. and i don't want that.

and so it's rather idealistic but simple to work out in the end - love me, love my diabetes. love me, love everything that i am and i have. and that includes my flaws, and diabetes is undoubtedly something he must live with because i need to live with it too.

and it's all part of loving me for who i am.

and with that, i conclude whatever i was thinking about in a part-drunken stupor (okay, i don't think i was drunk...it was just a little wine and a few sips of some disgusting vodka mixes the boys concocted).